![]() Meanwhile, Karma (Enuka Okuma) is interested in Simon. But no matter, since we're told "he happens to be the hottest underwear model in America." Simon has got a crush on Alisha (Ona Grauer - BLACK SASH), a fencing expert (ooh foreshadowing!) who used to be involved with Rudy. Rudy sums up Cyn's entire background in three words, "pure eye candy." Simon (Tyron Leitso - DINOTOPIA) is a Josh Harnett lookalike who isn't too bright. Greg (Will Sanderson - BLACKWOODS, THE MANGLER 2) is a Carson Daly-type pretty boy who spends most of the time making out with his girlfriend, Cynthia (Sonya Salomaa - FIREFIGHT). Yet, that's exactly what Rudy does, for about a half-hour in fact. You can't give testimony over events at which you were not even present. The most basic writing mistake rears its ugly head. Flash back to a day earlier, where his friends are preparing to meet him at the island. He talks about how his friends are now dead and he's stuck on an island, the only survivor of a massacre. The narration is delivered by Rudy (Jonathan Cherry - THEY, FINAL DESTINATION 2) in a shockingly overdramatic monotone that would be considered a bit too much on an old TRANSFORMERS cartoon. Here is a film that misfires from its very first word of dialogue. Also to say to everyone who got on my case for liking RESIDENT EVIL, here's your just desserts. I point the computerized roots out to make this distinction early on, as the video game history comes into play here. But when all is said and done, even those look like Ingmar Bergman classics in comparison. ![]() ![]() ![]() Actually, as adaptations go, it stood a better chance of succeeding than say, SUPER MARIO BROS. But that is not what makes it so terrible. HOUSE OF THE DEAD is based on a popular first person shooter game from Sega. Does that make it a good film? Oh, hell no. Can a film be so misguided, so insipid, and so completely awful that it winds up being entertaining in spite of itself? Yes, of course. HOUSE OF THE DEAD presents us with an intriguing question. ![]()
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